Resolving Anger and Frustration

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
— Gautama Buddha

On Today’s mindful Monday episode I want to talk about being mindful when you look at a problem or conflict, or what is perceived to be a problem. Many times when things go wrong it triggers an automatic stress response, like anger or disappointment. We are so quick to turn to our emotions, I am guilty of it as well. Recognize that we are reacting to the situation is the first step. Why is it that you are so mad? you may ask yourself. Or just recognize that I am angry right now. Because at that moment you are observing that you are mad, and subconsciously you know that you are not the angry emotion. There are a few things you want to consider before involved yourself on a justifiable emotional train.

If there is no solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it.
— 14th Dalai Lama


  1. Take a deep breath. Deep breaths always help interrupt the pattern and ground yourself in the present.
  2. Did I agree to get involved in the first place? Did you sign yourself up to be in that position given the knowledge and the risk and the rewards being involved in that situation or person? If it’s something that you created, then the next step is to assume responsibility and take ownership of it. You can begin the process of solving it.
  3. Seek help, talk to someone who can possibly point you in the right direction, be open about the possibility of being wrong and course correct.
  4. Find the positives. Dive into the current situation and see the actions that you are required to take in order to solve the problems. What kind of skills are you sharpening? How is it going to help you in the future situation? How is it going to help you in other aspects of life? 


Anger is just an emotion. A negative emotion that will do nothing but the damaging situation and the relationship with other people and yourself. However, thinking that you are somehow wrong or fault for feeling angry and beat yourself up for it isn’t the right way to live neither. You shouldn’t be suppressing that emotion. The idea is to tenderly accept that you are angry and gently come out of it.